: : Quiet/Loud : :
Searching for balance between art and motherhood feels like flying and drowning; coupled with maintaining a sense of self while navigating expected roles of modern womanhood becomes exhausting, befuddling, and demoralizing. I’ve long explored the search for identity and feelings of internal fragmentation through my photographic mixed-media work. My current photographic process of making self-portraits in motion using new media techniques speaks to the multi-tasking frenzied pace of each day, while also capturing a visual of the connection between my conscious, subconscious, and unconscious through action and reaction. There is a path traveled from dislocation to resolution in the work and a representation of the thread between home, mind, and body.
Utilizing encaustic medium is my way of quieting the frenzy and simultaneously making it permanent. Quiet/Loud is the most recent chapter of my story and visual depiction of the contradiction I feel between asserting an identity as an individual and being lost in the onslaught of mothering. The works struggle to find place, meaning, purpose, and time through self-portraits blurred by frenzied motion and fairy tale thoughts illicitly scrawled on walls with school pencils.
Autobiography has long been in the forefront of my creative process and in this series I visually portray myself silenced through by blocks physical and emotional, blinded by darkness and scrawl, in relationship to broken, disembodied toys, all embedded within a waxy sheath. The many-step process of creating these works and installations is imbued with both meditative and monotonous motion driven by the need to find place and reconcile the disparity of suffering and love.